Listening For Health, Connection, & Productivity.
We all have a deep, innate need to feel seen and heard. However, most of us don’t know how to truly listen. Learn how upping your listening leads to not only your own holistic health, but to deeper connections and increased productivity—in life and business.
The Power of Listening
One of the most overlooked and under-taught attributes of both empathy and productivity is how to listen. Despite its fundamental role in human connection, most of us are never formally taught how to listen in a way that fosters understanding, trust, and deep engagement. Dr. Stephen R. Covey captures this dilemma in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, emphasizing, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Essentially, talk less and listen more if you’re serious about building relationships and nurturing potential.
When we truly listen, we don’t just hear words—we attune ourselves to the emotions, energy, and intentions behind them. Research in neuroscience and psychology supports the profound impact of effective listening. Studies from Harvard University show that individuals who practice active listening report higher emotional intelligence and stronger interpersonal relationships. Furthermore, research published in the Journal of Business and Psychology indicates that leaders who practice deep listening foster higher employee engagement and increased workplace satisfaction. These teachings aren’t fluff. They’re a gateway to health, connection, and productivity.
Levels of Listening
There are five levels of listening, ranging from the least engaged to the most transformative:
Ignoring: The absence of attention, both inwardly (to ourselves) and outwardly (to others). This disconnect erodes trust and damages relationships.
Ignoring is the lowest level of listening and it’s equally harmful to ourselves and others. We often ignore our own inner wisdom and truth, and suffer greatly as a result. We often ignore others as well, disempowering them and their truth in the process. Ignoring is the quickest way to harm any relationship.
Pretending: Offering the illusion of attention while internally disengaged. This shallow interaction often leaves people feeling unseen and undervalued.
Pretending is particularly hurtful to the person sharing because we act like we are present and care but are internally shut off from what they’re saying. It’s a fake connection that’s always detected by the other person. This level of listening sadly takes place frequently between significant others or spouses. We get too comfortable or complacent and take for granted the other person being vulnerable. It’s also present in (problematic) power dynamics within companies and teams.
Selective: Hearing only what aligns with our beliefs or interests, leading to confirmation bias and poor communication.
Selective listening only allows us to hear what we want to hear. This is a dangerous way to listen as it is often used consciously or unconsciously to confirm our own intolerances. This happens frequently today in our limited political discourse when two people with opposing viewpoints only listen to find weak spots in the other person’s arguments. There is no real exchange so all opportunities to work together or compromise are lost. No one benefits.
Attentive: Giving full intellectual attention but missing the emotional depth behind the words.
Attentive listening gives the speaker our full attention but it only uses our intellect. Many experts estimate that over 90 percent of our communication is nonverbal. That means that when we’re only listening to words, we miss out on the deeper meaning of what’s being shared. We miss the emotion and energy underneath the sentiment. This level of listening also creates a listener that only listens with the intent to respond to what is being said.
Empathic: Engaging with our full presence, validating the speaker’s experience without judgment or an agenda.
Empathic listening is the radical and sacred act of listening with our whole being and it’s the gateway to true compassion. All of our systems work in harmony to understand what is being said. We intellectually understand the content, but vibrationally feel the deeper, more subtle energies behind the words. This is whole listening—creating space for the speaker to share honestly and then fully embodying what is being shared without judgment or agenda.
Empathic listening fosters deeper relationships, promotes healing, and enhances collaboration, ultimately making us more effective and engaged in our personal and professional lives.
How Empathic Listening Supports Holistic Health and Well-Being
Listening is not just about communication—it is a gateway to overall well-being. When we deepen our listening skills, we positively impact our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health in profound ways:
Reduces Stress and Anxiety:
Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that feeling heard lowers cortisol levels and decreases stress, leading to improved emotional regulation.
A study in Emotion found that social support through active listening helps mitigate stress responses in high-pressure situations.
Enhances Emotional Resilience:
Listening to our own inner voice, as well as to others, helps cultivate self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
Studies show that individuals who practice deep listening exhibit stronger coping mechanisms during adversity and report higher life satisfaction.
Boosts Heart Health:
A study in Psychosomatic Medicine found that strong social connections, built on active listening, correlate with lower blood pressure and reduced heart disease risk.
The American Heart Association notes that emotional well-being, fostered by meaningful conversations, contributes to improved cardiovascular health.
Improves Sleep and Recovery:
Feeling understood creates a sense of safety and relaxation, leading to better sleep quality and overall recovery.
A study in Health Psychology found that individuals who engage in supportive conversations before bed experience lower stress levels and improved sleep efficiency.
Encourages Mindfulness and Presence:
Active listening is a core tenet of mindfulness, helping us stay grounded in the present moment and improve focus.
Research in Mindfulness Journal suggests that those who engage in mindful listening practices exhibit greater cognitive flexibility and reduced mental fatigue.
By strengthening our listening abilities, we enhance not just our relationships, but also our health, resilience, and overall quality of life.
Recognizing Where Listening Goes Sideways + The Solution
Autobiographical Responses
Even with the best intentions, many of us fall into habitual patterns of response that hinder effective listening. There are four commonly used autobiographical responses and they all infringe on the spirit of connection and empathy. Rather than working to deeply understand where someone else is coming from, we stay attached to our own experience without any regard for the person sharing. These autobiographical responses shift the focus away from the speaker’s experience and back onto ourselves:
Advising: Jumping in with solutions rather than giving the speaker space to process their own thoughts.
When we advise, we jump to fix someone else’s problem and tell them what they should or should not do based on our own prior experience. This takes the power away from the person and doesn’t provide them with the space they need to follow their own heart and intuition. This is often seen between parents and children, and it robs our youth of building critical problem-solving skills.
Evaluating: One-upping or passing judgment, either dismissing or overanalyzing what is being shared.
When we evaluate, we pass judgment on what the speaker says and compare their experience to our own. This devalues the speaker’s experience and often leaves them feeling worse. Example: You tell your friend that you just got a glowing quarterly review from your boss, but before you can finish sharing, your friend jumps in and says, “That’s so funny! I was just promoted and received a huge bonus!” Another example: You confide in a friend that you’re not feeling like yourself, and he says, “What are you talking about? You have so much cool stuff happening right now. Enjoy it!” These responses invalidate others’ outside experiences.
Probing: Asking intrusive questions that push for details beyond what the speaker is ready to share.
When we probe, we dig into every detail of someone’s story or experience according to our own timeline and agenda rather than letting details unfold naturally. Clarifying questions might be necessary to help us understand, but grilling the person trying to share will only cause them to feel unsafe and want to hide. Parents, star this one. Probing your children makes them fearful to be open and honest.
Managers, when you probe your direct reports, you stifle the lines of communication and bury opportunities for employees to show initiative and responsibility.
Interpreting: Assuming we understand before fully hearing the person out, often reframing their experience through our own lens.
When we interpret, we jump to conclusions and assume we understand and know everything. This puts the person sharing into a box and discounts the entirety of their experience. When we interpret, we also place labels where they don’t need to be, changing the deeper meaning of the story to fit our own agenda or evaluation of the circumstances.
By recognizing these tendencies, we can cultivate empathetic responses instead—validating both the content and emotion behind someone’s words, fostering trust and meaningful connection.
The Empathic Response
An empathic response shows the person sharing that we understand with both our head and our heart. Rather than autobiographically responding, we instead reflect back to the speaker two key things:
Understanding: We intellectually understand what is being shared.
Empathy: We empathically understand the emotion and energy that goes along with it.
Example: A friend shares that their parent has passed away suddenly and they are visibly torn up about the loss. You say, “That’s tragic news about your mother. You’re devastated to lose her.” You’ll be amazed at how deep a conversation can go when empathy is present. A few notes on empathy:
Empathy is not the same as agreement. Empathy is being open to another person’s experience without evaluating it according to our own personal beliefs.
Empathy takes longer but feels better than pity. You’ll notice that this formula doesn’t include the words “I’m sorry.” That response carries no value and doesn’t open the door to deeper sharing.
Empathy needs practice. Autobiographical responses and judgments are incessant and pervasive. Be willing to break the cycle.
Listening for Productivity in Life and Business
Empathic listening isn’t just beneficial for relationships; it also enhances productivity, decision-making, and efficiency. Here’s how:
Heightened Focus Through Presence:
Research shows that mindfulness practices, including deep listening, improve concentration and reduce distractions, leading to increased work efficiency.
A study published in Cognitive, Affective, & Behavioral Neuroscience found that mindfulness practices, including deep listening, improve concentration by up to 16%, reducing distractions and increasing work efficiency.
Multitasking erodes productivity, but focusing deeply on one conversation or task at a time improves retention and execution.
Better Decision-Making:
Leaders who listen without preconceived biases make clearer, more effective decisions, minimizing costly mistakes.
Studies in organizational psychology indicate that decision-makers who practice deep listening reduce reactive choices and improve long-term strategic planning.
Stronger Collaboration and Teamwork:
A Harvard Business Review study found that high-trust teams—rooted in strong listening practices—outperform others by 20% in efficiency.
Employees who feel heard report higher job satisfaction, engagement, and willingness to contribute innovative ideas.
Reduced Miscommunication and Rework:
Deep listening ensures clarity, reducing misunderstandings that lead to wasted time and duplicated effort.
A study from The Journal of Business Communication found that ineffective communication is a primary factor in workplace inefficiencies, with miscommunications costing businesses an estimated $37 billion annually.
Enhanced Creativity and Innovation:
Open, engaged listening fosters an environment where fresh ideas can emerge, leading to better problem-solving and strategic thinking.
Research from MIT’s Human Dynamics Lab shows that teams with strong listening cultures generate more diverse and creative solutions to complex challenges.
By improving our ability to listen deeply, we enhance our health, strengthen our relationships, and drive success in both personal and professional realms. When we listen with full presence and empathy, we create a world where people feel seen, valued, and empowered to thrive.
The Practice of Listening
Yoga and mindfulness training teaches us that before we can listen deeply to others, we must first learn to listen to ourselves. In a world full of noise—external and internal—creating a safe internal space is an act of self-care that pays dividends in every area of life. And when we quiet the judgment, distractions, and mental chatter, we cultivate the kind of presence that allows us to extend true listening to others.
Start with Yourself
Tune into Your Inner Dialogue: Take a few moments each day to observe your thoughts without judgment. What stories are you telling yourself? Where do you resist listening to your own needs?
Use Breath as an Anchor: Deep, intentional breathing enhances your ability to stay present. Before engaging in a conversation, try taking a few conscious breaths to center yourself.
Notice Your Body’s Signals: Listening isn’t just mental—it’s physical. Tension in your shoulders, a clenched jaw, or shallow breathing can signal stress or resistance. Attuning to these cues fosters self-awareness, which in turn enhances your ability to listen deeply to others.
Extend That Presence to Others
Practice Pausing: Before responding in a conversation, take a beat. A pause allows you to truly absorb what’s being said rather than rushing to formulate a reply.
Cultivate Curiosity: Approach conversations with a mindset of learning rather than proving. Instead of thinking about how you’ll respond, ask yourself: What is this person truly trying to express?
Reflect and Validate: Simple acknowledgments like, “That sounds really important to you,” or “I hear you saying…” show that you’re engaged and value the other person’s perspective.
Listening isn’t passive—it’s an active, intentional practice. When we truly listen, we create space for healing, connection, and growth. We become more present in our relationships, more effective in our work, and more attuned to the world around us.
Next time you engage in a conversation, challenge yourself to listen with your whole being. Set aside distractions, quiet your inner dialogue, and be fully present. Because when we truly listen, we don’t just hear—we heal, connect, and grow.
Metta,
Drewsome.